my physiognomies

Melda Jowler

2008-10-14T22:28:00.001-07:00

When several foolish people were mortally wounded during a dangerous jowling party Melda reluctantly accepted their parts in the revolutionary new face transplant procedure which would both save and ruin her life.

Arthur Mometer

2008-08-18T09:26:00.001-07:00

When Arthur Mometer joined the conflict resolution team at our hospital, his precise methodology accurately identified and quickly diagnosed all cold shoulders, boiling mads, hot collars and/or steaming ears and thus, flaring temperaments were quickly put to rest.

'Chelle Shawked

2008-02-15T09:13:00.000-08:00

When the tornado had passed and the dust had settled, Michelle realized with a sudden gut-wrenching horror why her Auntie Fayeh had been so reluctant to allow them to seek shelter in her basement.

Kwai Ette

2008-02-13T09:17:00.000-08:00

shh.

John Lithgow

2008-02-12T08:39:00.000-08:00

Pete Zachater

2008-02-10T09:30:00.000-08:00

When the frat boys ordered 150 16 inch pizzas, Pete

waved his stubby little arms through his thick silver hair and ran, screaming, out the door.

Emralle Dize

2008-02-07T07:51:00.000-08:00

Like precious stones of emerald green
eyes like these you've never seen
piercing pools search you out
take you in, make you shout
watch yourself in fields of corn
or your limbs from you'll be torn.

Neida Moorehelp

2008-02-06T15:56:00.000-08:00

During her manic phase, the grandeur of Neida's spirit forced her to ignore the instructions and she found herself entrenched in a crippling moment of paranoia resulting from the cognitive dissonance that led to her massive analysis paralysis. She was frozen in the gloomy hallway, unsure of which way to turn - doomed - but fully alive.

Sis and Zors

2008-02-05T18:36:00.001-08:00

Slowly the sun sank below the horizon while Zors and Sissy clung to each other in a desperate attempt to stay warm and afloat in the frigid water.

Telly Tayel

2008-02-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

Telly doesn't have a story. Do you know what it is?

Fayeh Complee

2008-01-29T12:03:00.000-08:00

Fayeh looked across at the now complete

brick wall and sighed. The grim reality

of her deed finally sunk in and she

realized the cold hard truth of her act.

Finally, she shrugged, calmly

washed her trowel, her hands and

climbed the stairs to a new tomorrow.

Han Sum

2008-01-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

Han's dashing good looks with Presley-isk smile, accentuated by dimples, matched his gentle nature until that fateful day when someone called him "pretty".

N. Hance

2008-01-20T19:50:00.000-08:00

Ms. N. Hance, the glamorous Olympian runner, denied for many years that she had ever used steroids but no-one ever believed her. The truth was as plain as the chin on her face.

Wynn Allot

2008-01-20T19:27:00.000-08:00

The anxiety with which Wynn placed his last bet turned to exhilaration and then horror as he was dealt three sixes to match the one in his now devilishly hot hand.

Drummer Boy

2007-11-18T20:44:00.001-08:00

Years later, after a few years of moderate success handled poorly by a half rate agent, the little drummer boy turned out to be an old bummer man.

D. Skyz

2007-11-01T12:00:00.001-07:00

Mr. Skyz thought the hat and dark glasses would serve their purpose but he was wrong. The five o'clock shadow accentuating his manly jaw was a dead give away and they recognized him almost immediately.

Party People

2007-09-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

and their turnip.

Nero Serge

2007-09-24T10:02:00.001-07:00

Jacques-Yves Cousteau

2007-09-22T08:59:00.000-07:00

Justana Facinacroud

2007-07-23T15:27:00.000-07:00

Yep, just one more.

Garr Denome

2007-07-03T18:08:00.000-07:00

The little grasshopper shivered with anxious wonder as he looked up at the face of Garr, the most notorious of all the pansy gnomes. Was this the beginning or the beginning of the end? He did not know.

B. Spekkled

2007-06-27T10:00:00.001-07:00

Bradford Spekkled could not make a choice
and, clearly,
did not know how to approach the process.

Luke Uhlyke

2007-06-24T22:12:00.001-07:00

With a little make-up, his sister Lucy's glasses and earrings, Luke was able to trick the bank teller into cashing Lucy's pension checks for several years after her strange and sudden disappearance.

B. Traid

2007-06-23T20:23:00.000-07:00

Billy (William) Robert Alexander Traid of 376 Glendale Street NW, thought his large glasses, prosthetic nose, fake freckles and mustache would be an adequate disguise. Unfortunately, he did not realize that his mother would post his name, address and picture on her blog.

C. Kret

2007-06-05T11:06:00.001-07:00

Mr. Kret lived a life of nagging doubt. Doubt as to whether the promise he made was a wise one, but promise he did, and thus, he guarded the secret well. His lips were sealed. The juicy tidbit was safe.

Quarter million dollar man

2007-06-04T09:11:00.001-07:00

Still smiling
even after all
those years of
being a
medical guinea pig.

Fish in the Sea

2007-05-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

Every Tom, Dick, Andy, Harry....all of them
desperately wanted to be the next cartoon
bachelor.

S. P. Onawge

2007-04-24T19:55:00.000-07:00

The cold rain slashed at Agent Onawge's rugged
face as he waited in the flickering light near the
quiet bistro. She was late and he was hungry.

Jen Eric

2007-04-19T10:09:00.000-07:00

Apparently, this is a complilation of several faces which had been ranked on an attractiveness scale, subsequently analyzed and then morphed together to render the most attractive combination -a virtual Miss Germany.

Not my image either.

Click on title above for link.

Good Bye Kurt

2007-04-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

Not my image.

Muddy Waters*

2007-04-03T11:27:00.000-07:00

The amazing Muddy Waters, father of Chicago Blues, obtained his moniker from his childhood love of mucking about in a muddy creek.

True story.

Origin of Mr. Potato Head?

2007-03-21T10:14:00.000-07:00

Let the evidence speak.

Doug Tunnel

2007-03-08T12:10:00.000-08:00

Doug endured years of breathing stale compressed air and seemingly endless toil in artificial light on his personal quest to tunnel through the Earth. Finally, in March of 2007, he broke through a frozen crust of chest deep snow somewhere near Warburg, Alberta. He opened his mouth wide, filled his lungs with the fresh crisp air and screamed, "I did it!"

Pac Man

2007-03-04T20:06:00.000-08:00

The primordial ooze gives birth

to the first Pac Men.

Banana Lily

2007-03-04T20:04:00.000-08:00

It's a face.

Eric Idle

2007-03-02T16:14:00.000-08:00

Shortly before he disappeared in a cloud of pinkish-grey smoke, Eric tried morphing his head into a the shape of a turnip.

Mr. Who

2007-02-23T09:21:00.000-08:00

I don't know him.

Joy Fulface

2007-02-17T10:11:00.000-08:00

Joy was absolutely convinced that Smiley Face was her one and only soul mate and she waited outside in the falling snow for hours, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

Happy Valentine's Day to Bob Dylan...*

2007-02-14T19:51:00.000-08:00

Sorry to be so repetitive.

*Bob Dylan as himself
click on title above for music link.

Red Panda

2007-02-12T16:51:00.000-08:00

A very, very, very, very cute face.

Chip

2007-02-08T09:51:00.000-08:00

Chip loved to play backgammon.

FH phone home.

2007-02-06T20:23:00.000-08:00

"Have you seen my Daddy?"

Amanda Huggunkiss

2007-02-04T20:52:00.000-08:00

Amanda pressed her face against the glass and watched with eager anticipation as the greyhound bus full of mail order grooms began to unload.

Special Agent Dale Cooper

2007-02-04T13:51:00.000-08:00

I still miss him.

aka Kyle MacLachlan

The Birth of the Chocolate Orange

2007-01-28T19:55:00.000-08:00

...with apologies and thanks to Terry's Chocolate Orange.

His sinuses hurt.

2007-01-28T12:37:00.000-08:00

Sometimes he wears a mask made of small dense fibers. He wonders if he is breathing in small dense fibers in lieu of other nasty things.

Lief Innice

2007-01-28T11:06:00.000-08:00

As the dreary days of winter finally lengthened, and the layers of ice melted away, Lief's face was exposed to adequately explain his unfortunate, but timely death, in late October.

O. Noh

2007-01-24T21:56:00.000-08:00

It was a sad day in chocolate stick people land.

Juan Ovdacroud

2007-01-23T19:44:00.000-08:00

All Juan wanted was to blend in and then one day things started to change.

SuperChoco Girl

2007-01-22T13:45:00.000-08:00

Adored by many and fueled by the purest, richest, and deliciously darkest cocoa, Choco Girl saved the world, one bite at a time.

Copperhead Roady

2007-01-21T21:14:00.000-08:00

You could smell the whiskey on Copperhead Roady, but it didn't stop the band from hiring him. They just stayed away from him and one day he never came back.

Me at 0417h November 11th 1987

2007-01-20T10:41:00.000-08:00

Hugh Laurie*

2007-01-19T20:53:00.000-08:00

as himself

Faye Kefur

2007-01-16T20:46:00.000-08:00

Faye was enamored with animal print fabrics. Not only did she cover all her furniture and accessories with various animal prints, but she covered her child in a faux leopard tube, as well.

Mrs. Karr Tuneman

2007-01-15T21:09:00.000-08:00

Mrs. Tuneman could not understand why two young ladies as beautiful as Betty and Veronica, would so drastically alter their appearances. She wondered if they were hiding something...Or perhaps entering the witness protection program.

Ima Twitt

2007-01-14T08:51:00.000-08:00

"I'm not sure...", she said.

Karr Tuneman

2007-01-12T22:48:00.000-08:00

Karr was simple but happy.

Cho King

2007-01-12T19:48:00.000-08:00

Cho, the world's most accomplished pearl diver, nearly suffocated when during a drunken dare, he placed the rare mammoth pearl in his mouth for 9 minutes. "It would have been very ironic," he said from his hospital bed.

Frog

2007-01-12T19:34:00.001-08:00

One day frog woke up to find he had been turned into a fuzzy slipper. It was the beginning of a very bad day. A small smelly foot thrust itself into his gut and flattened his spine. The air gushed out of his lungs and he felt himself flung upward and squashed downward in horrifying repetitive waves of excruciating pain.

Man in Suit

2007-01-12T19:34:00.000-08:00

A $6,000 off the rack suit.

I. Hazard

2007-01-12T14:07:00.000-08:00

When Ingrid was a small girl she loved to play with pointed sticks and as her mother pointed out, it was "all fun and games until someone loses an eye". Nevertheless, she was able to live a long and fulfilled life with her slightly larger prosthetic eye.

Guest Blogger

2007-01-03T21:09:00.000-08:00

Guest blogger asks if there is any reason these faces should be on the Internet. It is a good question. Should faces be on the Internet and if so why? What do you think?

Justin Thyme

2007-01-01T16:00:00.000-08:00

Bravely, Justin fought his way through the nearly lethal fumes, and removed the gaily wrapped box of formerly frozen chicken ranch pizza from beneath the Christmas tree where it had been placed nearly 72 hours earlier.

Happy 2007

2007-01-01T09:14:00.000-08:00

from
GUESS WHO?

Santa Claus

2006-12-24T14:55:00.000-08:00

The real reason Santa has a beard: 4 sets of jowls, 3 double chins, 2 thin lips and a wattle over his Adam's apple. (Sing to the tune of the 12 days of Christmas.)

Mary

2006-12-24T12:05:00.000-08:00

Christmas

The Snows

2006-12-24T11:57:00.000-08:00

The Snows were a little frightened
when they saw the flames.

But luckily they were welcomed into Uncle Frosty's climate controlled home with open arms.

self portrait photoshop 2006

2006-12-23T23:02:00.000-08:00

1. I don't like talking about myself.
2. I like water.
3. I have lost 5 pairs of glasses
and 1 pair of contact lenses in
water, some of that water
was ocean or lake and
some was in a porcelain bowl.
4. I drink too much coffee and
not enough water.
5. I'm thirsty and I miss reading
Christmas Cats.

gulp

2006-12-23T22:58:00.000-08:00

L. Fuh

2006-12-23T16:00:00.000-08:00

L. Fuh worked late on December 23rd and missed his wife's office party.

Naughty Aughty

2006-12-15T20:31:00.000-08:00

And that's not all that was missing.

Kaer Aught

2006-12-14T21:44:00.000-08:00

When Kaer turned his head to look into the
mirror he was shocked to see that his bushy
green hair was gone and only a small orange

tinged tuft remained on top of his head.

Quadruple Threat*

2006-12-13T17:06:00.000-08:00

Driven by her desire to be a
quadruple threat
(actor/model/singer/medium)
Lindsay Lohan channels Elvis.

Lindsay Lohan

Tim Foster

2006-12-12T21:40:00.000-08:00

Tim Foster lived in fear that one day he would lose the buttons from his eye sockets and be exposed as Imm Pawster, the sock puppet man.

Mr. I. Aupener

2006-12-09T09:11:00.000-08:00

In that moment of intense clarity and profound self-assurance following his brush with death, Mr.Aupener was able fully agnize the significance of his life.

Mr. P. Sufull

2006-12-08T18:33:00.000-08:00

Although he was a little blue, Mr. Sufull eventually fell into to a deep and peaceful sleep.

Mel Ting

2006-12-08T08:46:00.000-08:00

Due to sudden unforeseen circumstances in the cosmic forces Mel was quickly liquefied and sucked into Mr. Universe's drinking straw.

Take Me to Your Leader

2006-12-07T21:47:00.000-08:00

Joy

2006-11-30T10:57:00.000-08:00

Joy was really happy when she met Phyllis Diller.

separated at birth? *

2006-11-28T08:24:00.000-08:00

Atomic Blue asks if Lance and Christopher are brothers. I didn't think so until I found this image. Who knew? Christopher Walken for President 2008!

*Christopher Walken as Lance Boyle's brother.

Blue Moon Man

2006-11-24T19:20:00.000-08:00

The man in the moon was blue.

Mum Saword

2006-11-24T17:10:00.000-08:00

Mum Saword knew how to keep a secret. She knew how to zip it, button it, seal it and throw away the key, but still, they tried to break her.

N. Volve

2006-11-20T15:49:00.000-08:00

Mr. Volve, the kindly and empathetic drama teacher, was well respected for his ability to persuade even the most timid students to participant in the school play.

Al Urgik

2006-11-20T09:23:00.000-08:00

Al sniffed and his eyes watered when the heavily scented woman stepped into the elevator. He glared at her accusingly, simultaneously jamming his mustache into his nostrils in a futile attempt to ward off another reaction.

Sissy Bigger

2006-11-16T08:42:00.000-08:00

There wasn't anything small about her. Big hat, big glasses, big nose, big chin, big hair, big shoulders, big brain, big heart, big smile.

Lance A. Boyle

2006-11-15T19:41:00.000-08:00

Dr. Boyle had never seen anything like it before. Never. Not once in his 37 years as a dermatologist had anything affected him like this. It was time to retire.

Fay Slift

2006-11-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

Fay Slift admired the results in the mirror. That new dentist is divine, she thought, until the nitrous fumes dissipated from her brain.*

*storyline compliments of Bill - Memy's hairdresser and driver extrodinaire.

Miss Fortune

2006-11-11T18:07:00.000-08:00

Miss Fortune was awash in the glow of her lovely evening at the theatre. She stepped dreamily onto her porch and reached for the door, failing to notice the pear-shaped man lurking in the shadows. Luckily for her, the pear-shaped man failed to notice the rake carelessly tossed on the lawn. Unfortunately for him, because she had not invited him onto her property, he was unable to sue her for negligence.

Ness C. Entuh

2006-11-11T12:23:00.000-08:00

Nester was a firm believer that only material phenomena could truly be known and scoffed at the less tangible aspects of his world. Nevertheless, he did pay attention to the creepy feeling that someone or something was following him.

Macon Awffur

2006-11-10T20:41:00.000-08:00

Most people eventually realized that Macon was very persuasive. However, they were never very clear whether it was his rugged visage, his devilish charm or another, more elusive, quality.

Milly Yonaire

2006-11-10T08:19:00.000-08:00

Milly was really really really happy when she won the money..... or..... was she?

Ms. Erable

2006-11-09T09:27:00.000-08:00

When Ms. Erable finally opened the door and looked (?) out the children could plainly see that she had literally cried her eyes out.

Who is this?

2006-11-08T23:06:00.000-08:00

Leah de Vocalles

2006-11-05T15:27:00.000-08:00

Only mildly downcast by the news, Leah managed to rock on after her band found another lead singer.

sean or peter *

2006-11-03T19:39:00.000-08:00

Is it Peter Mckay or Sean Penn?

* Peter Mckay as Sean Penn

B. Ignoze

2006-11-03T18:50:00.000-08:00

A firm believer in the fish philosophy, Mr. Ignoze laughed good-naturedly after he was pelted in the jaw with a 12 kg trout.

Annie Malover

2006-11-02T18:55:00.000-08:00

Annie loved to roll around on the floor with the 8 little kittens.

Warning this image may be unsuitable...

2006-11-02T10:57:00.000-08:00

...for babies and small children. Bubbles the Dog wishes to express his sincere apologies to all the children he may have traumatized on October 31st.

Mirror Mirror

2006-10-31T13:58:00.000-08:00

Mirror, Mirror,
on the wall
make my jowls
really small.

Early childhood trauma ...

2006-10-30T08:14:00.000-08:00

... can be hazardous to your health.